Tuesday, June 28, 2005


Hey - I got a question - were there "terrorists" in Iraq blowing up the place before "Shock and Awe"? I don't remember, but I don't know if I heard anything about that before we invaded.

I just heard Bushy-boy say that the American troops need to stay in Iraq until the Iraqis learn how to defeat the "terrorists" (I'm assuming he means "insurgents"), or some such nonsense like that.

Someone enlighten me, please...

Monday, June 20, 2005


Being in the Deep South, my place of employment starts each day with a "morning devotion". I am not a Southern Baptist, so I, for the most part, sit quietly and let them "do their thing". What irks me most is the terminology that befuddles the spiritual teaching underneath it, but Friday I used the terminology to my own advantage. (Smirk).

E. read the following from the little pamphlet she uses ("The Daily Word?"- don't know):

"Satan's schemes always begin with a lie, a false lead, a subtle twist to the truth, which if acted on will tear us away from God. His proposals rarely seem evil, because our minds are repelled by obvious evil. More often they come disguised as good. Satan adds a trace of grace and beauty to every lure, lest we recognize its deadly nature. It is easy to be taken in..."

I thought to myself, "Hmmm, that sounds just like the current White House Administration..."

Thursday, June 16, 2005


I was never a great History student. Admittedly, my brain turned off when my teachers were up in front of the class, dictating the lessons each day, especially when the subject was American History in the 20th Century.

Looking back, though, the underlying theme throughout my education in this regard was that the US and its citizens always fought for the "right" ideals, and that this country really never made any mistakes; it always stood up for the common good, was a free country, the best country, blah blah blah.

In my early adult years I was never interested in politics, or the news; therefore I took it for granted that this country was pretty much infallible. I still don't know a whole lot today, but I've finally taken some time out to study some history. It's still confusing to me, and I still have a tendency to have "brain turn-off" when information gets too thick.

That being said, I find myself a little perturbed and disconcerted that my early education was based on propaganda - chest-pounding, brainwashing propaganda. I feel slighted. I was made to believe that the Indians were savages, that the massacres were the "right" thing to do. I was made to believe that this country was founded on the basic principle that all "humans" are created equal, only to find out that what they really meant was that all white anglo-saxon protestant men were created equal, and that everyone else was below human status. I was made to believe that America was the "Melting Pot" (or salad bowl, or whatever) and that we welcome immigrants, only to find out that each nationality or race was met with disdain or mistrust when they arrived. The list could go on.

My wake up call was when Grace was in 4th or 5th grade. She was having trouble with her History homework and asked me for help. I read the chapter that she was working from and became very surprised and angry. This was a history book from a Virginia public school, and, if I remember correctly, the subject was the period of time when West Virginia "seceded" from Virginia. Slavery/Economics. This book played down the atrocities of slavery and made excuses for the South's behavior. Facts were incorrect. I started yelling, saying that this textbook was wrong, and asking Grace what the hell they're teaching her at that school. Poor Grace.

Now, I've known some Northerners that were every bit as racist as the most racist of Southerners, and I've recently discovered that the Northern states weren't as lily-white as I had been taught with regard to that period in history, but I thought that, since the Boomers were in office, today's children would be taught more of the truth.

Take, for example, "Reefer Madness". This propaganda was not created to alert the public of the dangers of Marijuana. It was created to deport a few Mexicans from the Four-Corners states and Texas. Another example - Marijuana has been called the "Gateway" drug so that it can remain illegal. Studies show, though, (snicker... "studies show!") that LEGAL substances i.e. alcohol and Pharmaceutical drugs are more likely to lead people down the path of addiction than Marijuana.

Why does everything have to be about fear and money and power? I have found during my wake-up call that these are the motives that drive the "Servants" (Politicians are supposed to "serve" their constituents, right???), rather than having a sense of community and people helping people.

Am I too naive? Too idealistic? What's wrong with the truth? Huh? Huh?

Monday, June 13, 2005

June Already

Ack, where does the time go?

I've been thinking about "the good old days", when I was single and drunk. Single in the sense that I wasn't married, and drunk in the sense that I was drunk.

Those were the days, though, when I thought I had all the answers. I was unhappy, deliriously so, and drinking was the only way I knew how to dispel fear and self-loathing. Once the alcohol was in my bloodstream, I felt the release of the day's worries, and a new power was bestowed upon me. My, my, I wasn't fearful then -- I was actually quite the prize! Intelligent, hard-working, not bad to look at, a great dancer; the list could go on, ad nauseum.

The problem was that I knew I was an alcoholic, I knew that I couldn't stop drinking for good, but I didn't know quite how to change the situation. I remember thinking that it was all a matter of control. Self-control. Willpower. Outer circumstances. "If only my life would be better - if I had a better job, or better boyfriend du jour, or better house to live in, I could tackle this thing!" "Nobody understands me, It's me against the world! Oooooohhhhhh, me!"

There was NO WAY I was gonna go to AA. They're a cult. They talk about this GOD shit and it made me want to puke. "I'll try a psychiatrist," said I, hoping against hope that he could make me happy enough to be able to drink with impunity.

So I went. Two sessions later I "fired" him, because he insinuated that I may have a drinking problem and that maybe I ought to address that first before tackling the emotional stuff. What did he know, anyway? He was just a shrink, after all. Besides, he was pretty scary looking, and I didn't think I would be able to open up to him. So I went to a woman shrink next. She was great. She was more comfortable. She had a Betta. I was able to dump some stuff, and she, for all intents and purposes, pat me on the back with the "There, there" kind of attitude. What stroking! Wow! But... I had to "fire" her, too, because she wanted me to join in on this "woman's circle" of sorts - group therapy, I guess - and there was NO WAY I was going to share with a bunch of WOMEN! Women were the enemy!


I was feeling the negative effects of alcohol very acutely by this time, and I was getting pretty desperate.

*Sigh* I decided to just check things out at AA, to see what they were up to. Nothing else was working - even though I got to dump some stuff, I was still miserable, and I wasn't controlling my drinking. The one thing that I clamped my mind shut against, that I vehemently opposed, was the one thing that I was checking out because I was desperate. Nothing else worked.

That one thing that I vehemently opposed, the thing that I had no clue about, was the very thing that saved my ever-loving ASS.

I am not so quick to say that something won't work before trying it, nowadays. I've found in the past that the opinions that I grew up with, or the opinions that I had formed as a result of my childhood may be very limited, and that there's a whole world out there to explore and to expand my limited view. I just have to remain teachable.