Monday, August 01, 2005


I'm feeling a lot of anxiety lately, and I can't pinpoint the exact cause. I have a suspicion, though, that it could be due to the fact that August 4th is the start of the new school year. It's now August 1st.

Not only is the first day of school in just 3 days, it is the first day of school for my baby, Carolyn. She's the last one. On August 4th, I will have seen my 4th and last child off to the great unknown, named Kindergarten. I think I may cry.

Not only is it the first day of school for Carolyn, it is the first day of school for Carolyn and Emily at their brand-new school that isn't even finished being built. They'll be in portables all around the construction site. The cafeteria is supposedly completed, but that doesn't diminish my fear of the confusion that most certainly will be felt, especially on the first day.

Not only is it the first day at Carolyn's and Emily's brand-new school, it is the first day of MIDDLE school for Meghan. Of all my children, I think Meghan is the most nervous. She's nervous about not remembering when she has to go to what class, and she's nervous about not being able to open her locker with a combination lock, and she's nervous about not getting on the right bus after school so she can make it safely home. She does have one thing working in her favor, though, and that's her big sister, Grace. No matter how much they're at each other's throats, I know Grace will be there to help Meghan if she needs it.

Between now and the first day of school is "Open House", which I won't be able to attend because I work, so Daddy will be taking over that task. I don't know if I like the idea of letting go of so much "control".

I know my thinking is insane. I used to be the one to do all of the school things, and all of the sick-kid things, and while I was doing it all, I would wish that Bob would help out, and be a "part of." Now that he is doing a LOT of it, I want it back. Sometimes. On the one hand I feel a sense of relief that I don't have to stress over losing time from work to do it all, or juggling time to get the kids somewhere, but on the other hand I miss being that much more involved in my kids' lives. Sometimes parenting just s-u-c-k-s in this day and age.

I might just take an hour or two off in the morning of the 4th, just so I can say good-bye to the little one. And cry.


Post a Comment

<< Home